Declarations, page 7
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Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me but it will help I don't do "awake"
terrorists don't scare me. Somebody seeing my TSA body scan, that scares me. There's nothing passive about my aggression
Sometimes I think my brain has a mind of its own If you are what you eat, I'm going to eat a skinny person
I don't always drink beer but when I do, I tend to fart Insanity doesn't run in my family, it gallops
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right I get my vitamins from diet coke
I don't do Mondays I'm uncertain about quantum mechanics
I like to think of myself as the most humble person on the planet I used to be a perfectionist but I'm better now
I love me I avoid anything which might contradict my narrow worldview
I like to give advice. It's how I test it before using it myself I put the M in illiterate
Making it up as I go along I've stopped wearing my mood ring and I'm not sure how I feel about that
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects -Oscar Wilde I don't always drink beer, but when I do I think I'm the most interesting man in the world
I'm sticking with the union I'm a bitch before coffee. And after.
I'm mad as hell and I'm likely to take it indefinitely I always give 100% about 3% of the time
My mom never loved me as a child. But then, I wasn't there when she was a child I was once the world's youngest person
Some of my best friends are corporations I know I speak for everyone when I say I have multiple personality disorder
I wasted my childhood saving Mario's girlfriend I live by 3 unwritten rules: 1. 2. 3.
My other pro-vegan bumper sticker is also condescending I'll believe that corporations are people when Texas executes one
There's no excuse for laziness but I'm looking for one I draw a line between numerator and denominator
I have a hidden talent and I sure hope I find it The only magic i believe in is you
I am the 99% When in doubt I like to err on the side of awesome
Veni vidi venti: I came, I saw, I had a large coffee I am not responsible for your happiness
I'd be nothing if I didn't have haters to motivate me I like books
I just saved on my car insurance by not having a car I all-caps love you!
Old enough to remember when flying was fun I'm giving up jokes about what I'm giving up for Lent for Lent
My obsession with nostalgia is all in the past It's only rock and roll but I like it
Popcorn is my favorite exploding food I'm consistent but not all the time
Life got much easier when I stopped expecting people to make sense I've learned so much from my mistakes I plan to make lots more
I love zombies
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