Modern Thought, page 5
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Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened
Money can't buy happiness, just cool stuf that makes you happy The future has been postponed
Without a plan nothing can go wrong Arguments are to be avoided, they are always vulgar and often convincing. -Oscar Wilde
If you can't beat them, use cheat codes Self Delusion: It's fun and it's easy!
Graduation: The end of the easy part of life Being a mime means never having to say "I'm sorry"
A penny saved... is ridiculous The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee Bacon is meat candy
Fat is the new skinny Compromise results in everyone being unhappy, but happy about it
A pessimist sees the glass half empty, an optimist sees it half full, a mom sees one more thing she has to wash Of course it buys happiness
A word to the wise isn't necessary Friends are god's apology for relatives
Mediocre is the new excellent Nothing is impossible when you work for the circus
To know yourself, first know others. You're what's left Pink slips are the new black
The difference between in-laws and outlaws is... outlaws are wanted Impulse is intuition on crack
The bigger they are, the harder they kick your ass One day at a time is sometimes way too fast
The only thing we have to fear are the people who tell us to be afraid Courage is often based on incomplete information
Apathy solves everything. Or not. So what? Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise
Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising If it starts yowling it's not a piñata
Karma's only a bitch if you are If you love something let it go. If it doesn't come back, why the hell did you let it go?!
An expert is someone who is one page ahead in the manual It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame
Stream of incontinence: when you won't shut up about the pissy mood you're in Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser
If you're right all the time you'll never learn anything Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth
Rap music sounds worse than it is Cheese = milk + magic
Handcuffed is almost never a good way to wake up Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Vegetables is what food eats Junk is the unused stuff you've had for years and won't need until you throw it out
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