Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome!
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things Double negatives are a no no
I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? I’m sorry about how much I apologize
I’m kind of a big dill I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
I need constant validation, right? Resist (resistor)
If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra A bisexual is a man who likes women as much as the next guy
I have an on again off again relationship with light switches Eat aluminum foil, you sheet metal
Sudoku for the busy My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You
Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world An introvert walks past a bar
Bad puns are how eye roll The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions Philosophical Finder: Why are you here?
Puns make me numb. Math puns make me number A procrastinator's work is never done
American children can be kind but German children are always kinder Vegan zombies want grrraaaaains
I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst Look left. You failed.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data When will carotene be out of beta?
You matter. Unless you energy A good pun is its own reword
(pumpkin) pi My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
I laugh at mountains because they’re hill areas Electricians strip to make ends meet
Not sure I trust my math teacher and his graph paper He may be plotting something To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, Who is. If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas
A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says” Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
In queso emergency: melt cheese (Na)16 Batman
I’m addicted to interventions Playas are a beach
Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body Don’t engage in e-sex that is not contextual
Dogs can’t operate medical imaging machines but cats can My weekends are in tents
Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster.’ Then I take it out and eat it
To be frank, I would have to change my name I’m not one for schizophrenia
My modus operandi is using Latin phrases to sound superior I don’t care IV roman numerals
I love heavy metal (tuba) 20% off everything
You cannot swim under water you can only swim in water Not all math puns are bad, just sum
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