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I took my job to pursue my lifelong ambition of not starving to death I think, therefore I'm overqualified
I work best with others when they leave me the hell alone My commute wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take me to work
No one ever listened themself out of a job My company's going to start giving us random drug tests. I wonder which drugs we'll get?
Committee: a group which keeps minutes and waste hours If they hang motivational posters where you work, you probably have a job a robot will be doing soon
The only thing worse than being laid off from my job would be not being laid off My boss told me to have a good day so I went home
To err is human. To forgive, is not company policy People paid only enough to not quit will work only enough to not be fired
I never get involved in office drama. Once I start it, I walk away Give a man food, he can eat for a day. But give him a job and he can only eat for 30 minutes
To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows real management potential Working here is like family - none of us get along
My commute is getting so bad I’m almost glad to arrive at my job The beatings will continue until morale improves
Today is the first day of the rest of your workweek Think I’ll reduce my effort at work to align with my pay
Hire slow, Fire fast My coworkers are like Christmas lights, none are too bright and some don’t even work
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided -Mark Twain My resume is mostly a list of things I hope I never have to do again
I haven’t been able to sleep. The boss has been around I'm quitting my job to pursue my dream of not working there
There are worse things than working from home: 1.No job 2.No home Don’t complain your boss is stupid. It’s probably the reason you haven’t been fired
Try to start a conversation with me on a Monday and I’ll report you to HR You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We train.
Why am I the only one impressed by the fact that I show up for work? I’ve done unspeakable things for money - like working 9-to-5
I don't know, and I don't care. That's why they put me in charge A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer
I think I’m allergic to my job Currently out of the office. To reach me: wait till I get back
My office crush is the vending machine People who enjoy meetings should never be in charge of anything
I had to leave my job for health reasons. I was sick of it At work they asked if I wanted to sign up for a 401k. I said no. I can't run that far
I’m calling HR Don’t work really hard when your boss is nearby so you don’t set the bar too high
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done Some days, work is very little fun. And those are the good days
One who knows HOW will always have a job ...working for the one who knows WHY I believe you have my stapler
The greatest addition to workplace safety was the office coffee pot I have this awful sleep disorder where I wake up and go to work
The only effective answer to organized greed is organized labor. -Thomas Donahue My job is mostly trying to figure out what my job is
Finally, the weekend! Now I can work on dreading Monday Not the worst employee
My company's fringe benefits include poor training, conflict, and burnout Don't ask me I was hired for my looks
Let’s just see what HR says
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