Tribulations, page 4

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Can we start the weekend over again? I wasn't ready I was hoping I'd run out of things to be disillusioned about by now
I'm the leading cause of everything bad that happens to me Ramen noodles taste like payday is a week away
I've got a lot not going for me I think some of my choices may have been ill considered
Very close to faking my own death I shaved my legs for this?
I always forget how bad I am at remembering So many locks, so few keys
Just when I think I'm winning the rat race, along come faster rats It seems Rock Bottom has a basement
When I laugh too hard I cry a little in my panties It's always a little later than you think
Tomorrow will be worse I had too much to dream last night
Note to future self: Sorry I made things so tough for you My escape key isn’t working. I’m still here!
If by "happy" you mean clinically depressed... then, yes, I'm happy The satellites know you are reading this
What we have doesn't work The first five days after the weekend are the hardest
Due to circumstances beyond my control I am here I pay a monthly gym membership fee as reminder of my poor decisionmaking
This is not the future I expected This appears to be unproductive
Cow pies aren't really pies! I find your lack of punctuation disturbing
This is the worst Monday since last Monday I think I just seized the wrong day
I started a Neighborhood Watch but my neighbors called the cops on me You may already be doomed
The whole world has gone upside down I'm already tired tomorrow
I fear things I don't understand I'd start working out but I don't have a good Before picture yet
I think I just heard the first thundercrack of the apocalypse I can't bring myself to delete any episodes of Hoarders
Your dryer isn't shrinking your clothes, your refrigerator is The worst thing about mornings is morning people
We are sleepwalking to apocalypse These are hard times for dreamers
If each day is a gift today was underpants Reality is ruining my life
I hate realizing it’s only Thursday not Friday then being told it’s actually Wednesday You morning people are creating a hostile work environment for the rest of us
Next stop Rock Bottom If it weren't for stress I'd have no energy at all
My closest friends stopped talking to me just because I'm taking anti-psychotic drugs I grew up without the internet or cell phones. Where’s my damn medal?!
I think my guardian angel is in prison One thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one
OK, I’d like to wake up now I’m starting to suspect my calls actually aren’t important to them
I was looking for a book to help with my hoarding problem and now I have 16,000 books The trouble is, you think you have time
This was supposed to be the future Nobody cares get used to it
I have a bad feeling that these are the good ol’ days Dear Wednesday stop acting like Monday
This would be funny if it weren't happening to me Thank you, ATM fees, for letting me buy my own money
I ate healthy to get in shape then I heard you have to do it more than once It’s just one bucking thing after another
Another day ruined by adulthood Straight outta money
My swear jar has more money than my retirement account I wouldn’t say this year was bad. It was more like really bad, right?
Been waiting so long for my ship to come in, my dock rotted How long is the warranty on 2020? I think there’s a problem
No thanks, sleep, I’ll just lie here and review my regrets from 6 years ago Everything seems to be going about as badly as expected
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