Modern Thought, page 3
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Silence is golden unless you have kids then it's suspicious Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything
Money can buy happiness if you know where to shop Corporations are people too
Everyone is someone's disappointment Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake when you make it again
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Mistakes are proof that you're trying. And incompetent If there's a 50/50 chance something can go wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will
The wheel stops for no hamster Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it It's never too late to give up
Money isn't the key to happiness but you can use that money to have a key made What's right is what's left once you've done everything else wrong
Spandex. A privilege not a right An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true
If you find something everyone agrees on it will be wrong There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution that works
Being a grown up should never be more than a part time job Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise
This too shall pass. Like a kidney stone, maybe, but it will pass Yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow only a dream, but today was a real bitch
The quickest way to find a thing you've lost is to buy a replacement Plagiarism is the most devious form of flattery
The hardest part of parenting is the first 40 years Teamwork means not having to take all the blame
It's n ot hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere God cannot alter the past. That is the historians' job
Children are our future. Unless we stop them now Karma's only a bitch if you are
Sitting is the new smoking Insomnia is nature's way of telling you to get more done
There is no excuse for the pronunciation of colonel Better Late than having to be there the whole time
Good things come to those who wait but bad things show up right away Be a pessimist and all your surprises will be happy ones
It’s best to confront your fears (unless you fear bears) Any restaurant is a drive thru if you’re determined enough
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism Your dryer doesn’t shrink your clothes your refrigerator does
Everybody has a perfect memory when it’s something they’d rather forget Any pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success Lack of ambition is a real timesaver
The best time machine is an old song Procrastination: a vote of confidence in your future self
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