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Avoid cliches like the plague I don't trust atoms, they make up everything
What I if told you that you read this wrong? Logic tells us that dishonesty is still the second-best policy
I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it There's a time for optimism and a time for pessimism. This is not one of them
My favorite memories are of the past Director Department of Redundancy Department
This is not a drill Everyone says I'm in denial but really I'm not
Abstinence? I gave it up I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome!
Good eye might - Congratulations, you now speak Australian Never believe generalizations
I learned two big lessons today. I can't remember the first but the second is "write things down" Never use a word you don't plaintively understand
There's no I in denial Hyperbole is the best thing ever!
Self-Awareness Lessons. Inquire Within I'm sure you hate it when people make assumptions about you
Prepositions are not words to end a sentence with Darts: Game of Throws
My doctor didn't want to see me gain more weight so I gave him a blindfold Some people have a way with words, others have not way
Do not put statements in the negative form National Procrastination Day. Date: TBD
Not to brag but I put a puzzle together in 3 days and the box said 2-4 years Knit happens
I never apologize. I'm sorry but that's just how I am They say I'm noncommittal but let's just wait and see
Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow Some people are wise but most are otherwise
Heisenberg may have slept here My mom never loved me as a child. But then, I wasn't there when she was a child
You can't make me feel bad, my self esteem is way too low for that A good icebreaker is global warming
Free contradictions, half price! I always start a diet on the same day: tomorrow
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things I've stopped wearing my mood ring and I'm not sure how I feel about that
If at first you don't succeed, give second base a try Rules to learning English: their our know rules
Game, set, match = tennis. Set, match, run = arson Does the Little Mermaid wear an alegbra?
I dyslexia love Eliminate and abolish redundancy
I work well under pressure as long as I have lots of time and the outcome isn't important
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