Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 6

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What I if told you that you read this wrong? I don't trust atoms, they make up everything
Everyone says I'm in denial but really I'm not Like a boss
Thank dog I'm not dyslexic Obesity is widespread
Darts: Game of Throws To learn is to make mistakes
I have discovered that the best time to plan ahead is always in the past The only problem you can run away from is if your problem is you don't run enough
Snowmen pick their noses in the vegetab le aisle Age is only a number, check that, age is a word
I'm trying to give up sexual double entendres but it's hard Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left
Director Department of Redundancy Department How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
I'll never be a self-made man, I'm just not that handy I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe
This is the highlight of your day 2 = 2 = 5 (for particularly large values of 2)
I've said it before and I'll say it again. It. I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it
Fat Food For the record, I own a turntable
They say I'm noncommittal but let's just wait and see Indecision this way
Being humble would be better if I got more  recognition for it Witch Parking Only. All others will be toad
Self-Awareness Lessons. Inquire Within Some people have a way with words, others have not way
Knit happens Sleep is the best cure for insomnia
I'm a bad judge of people but I think I'd make an ok executioner I'd like to verb your noun
Free contradictions, half price! Things I don't have time for: 1.That
I'm sure you hate it when people make assumptions about you Exaggerators Anonymous - A Trillion Strong and Growing
National Procrastination Day. Date: TBD If you are illiterate ignore this message
Does Waldo wear stripes because he doesn't want to be spotted? This sticker is 25% funny and 85% bad at math
If life gives you melons maybe you're dyslexic I can't recall why my career as a memory expert ended
DNA: National Dyslexic Association Rules to learning English: their our know rules
People say I'm paranoid. I'm not sure who, but there are lots of them I love realism
Aced my blood test. Got an A- A good icebreaker is global warming
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