Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 6

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My daughter thinks I'm nosey or so it says in her diary I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
The first rule of Illiteracy Club is… oh, never mind, you’re out Speech-to-text often makes me express things I didn’t Nintendo
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left This is the highlight of your day
Moist people don’t proofread carefully I was shocked to learn I’m a bad electrician
My modus operandi is using Latin phrases to sound superior The two rules for success: 1. Never tell all you know
I wanted to be a wizard but I never got the chants (pumpkin) pi
They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer Why is it spelled camouflage and not
Bumper Bad puns are how eye roll
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
-History My shower curtain is very attracted to me
I can’t drive an electric vehicle — I don’t have a current license Whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy
Butterflies are not what they used to be Life would be a billion times better if people stopped all the hyperbole
I haven’t slept for 4 days. That’s too long to stay asleep 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy
I'm taking steps to avoid elevators Typo Man, writer of wrongs
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones I’m a big wheel around here (cheese wheel)
Society of Exaggerators - A trillion strong and growing Beware of foreboding
What do you get from a vampire snowman? Frostbite A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
A clown opened a door for me today. That was a nice jester I’m afflicted by airport jokes. Doc says it’s terminal
My mother’s sisters can’t get covid because they have aunty bodies Hyphenated. Un-hyphenated. Ironic.
I wish I was rich like my dad. He always wished he was rich, too The best thing about telepathy is… right?!
Everyone named Iris is 80% Irish DEJA MOO: the feeling you've heard this Bull before
My girlfriend looked surprised when I said she drew her eyebrows too high Dept. of Corections
A joke isn’t a Dad Joke until it is all groan A dogwood tree is easy to identify by its bark
My plan to be more optimistic probably isn’t going to work Looking forward to this season of lawn order
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