Wordplay, page 3

Wordplay, page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems To err is human, to arr is pirate
I have an easy way to cut carbs Don't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people)
Know what I like to do? Answer my own questions I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list
I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day Stop Vandalism
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive I'd like to have more self esteem but I don't deserve it
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic who walked into a bra? Irony is what steel is
Having written this, my participle dangled Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
They call me apathetic but I don't care For the record, I own a turntable
Just say NO to negativism To prevent headache, do what the aspirin bottle says: Keep away from children
At least the NSA is one government agency that will listen to you I'll start exercising as soon as I get into shape
Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes Web Designer
Drive wrecklessly I'm not saying you're mean, I'm saying you're average
A good name for a cover band would be Duvet Become an editor, enjoy a rewording career
If you know telekinesis please raise my hand It's not the minutes at the table that make you fat, it's the seconds
I know I'd be a great motivational speaker, but why bother? In the event of a plane crash it's safest to be far away from any planes
Volunteering doesn't pay I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe
When you boil it all down, that's evaporation Things I dislike: 1.Bumperstickers 2.Lists 3.Irony
Sleep is the best cure for insomnia A bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver
I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully I don't recall having a memory problem
Eschew Obfuscation Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it
I just can't express how aphasic I am Who says nothing is impossible? I've done nothing my whole life!
How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair Always give 100% (except when donating blood)
My greatest fear is to dwell forever in obscurity -Unknown Do you get enough sleep> Yes No
People say I'm paranoid. I'm not sure who, but there are lots of them I'm so excited for gardening season I wet my plants!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous I was hurt falling into an upholstery machine but I'm recovered now
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